Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
