His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
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What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
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She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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