I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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