Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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