The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
