I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
