it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
