So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
