drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
MIDGETS
????
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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