Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
