Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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