Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Sext me about skeletons
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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