omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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