Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
