I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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