her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize