I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
