I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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