This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
