Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
