thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
