woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
