I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize