i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
