I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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