The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
