The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
