I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
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Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
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I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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