i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize