Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
