yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
