Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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