So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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