Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Houston, we have a squirter
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
