Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
