what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
