Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
