I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
