oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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