He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
