I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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