Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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