I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
