I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
