Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
