it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
