There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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