ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
