Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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