??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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