a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
