All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
