I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
