I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
