well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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