can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
