I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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