Dual....:-)
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
