I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Congratulations! We have a period
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