Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
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She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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