What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
