farters have to be the big spoon...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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