why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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