you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
