Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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