Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
