He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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