Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
how drunk are you?
Several
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
